changes

Lying in bed now I can hardly believe what a difference a year has made. I know people who wouldn’t recognize me if we spoke today on the street. Imagine this: short girl, long dark hair, looking down to my feet, body language saying “I’m uncomfortable and just want to go home”. This was me in 10-11th grade. Yes, it was a period when I was most struggling with depression and anxiety, but compare it to this girl: short blonde hair, smiling, generally looking pretty chill and happy, wears a dress and looks comfy in it, enjoys the company of her friends.

I realize why some things were – for example: I used to be more shy, quiet, introverted, patient and now I find I don’t really identify with any of these words. The one I want to focus on for this post is how I became less patient.
In the past years I have experienced more, learned more, learned to think more critically and analytically, met people from around the world, formed opinions and a wider worldview. I think I was patient and quiet because 1) I didn’t care about anything/anyone but me, leading to 2) I didn’t know much of the world, leading to 3) I didn’t really have opinions.

Truth is, in the beginning to my metamorphosis I almost faked opinions – I would copy someone else’s answer, say whatever I knew about the issue. It’s like adulthood in general – you can get away with saying a lot of bullshit, as long as you look confident people won’t usually question it.

I have basically become a more interesting person. I have grown in my faith. I have opinions, things I am passionate about. My knowledge database is expanding. I have learned how to express myself. I walk with more confidence in my step and am much more fearless and curious.

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